Here We Go... Continues... Continues
(Aron)
Click here to read the previous-previous installments
Abe and Shari were still horribly lost and now they had thundering hangovers.



"Do you have any idea what you’ve just done Uncle?" asked Hamish.

"Oh, I think I do." Uncle replied haughtily as he lights a cigar and puffs away.

"I don’t think you do."

"I’m fairly confident I do"

"You don’t."

"I do."

"Oh, now stop that." snorted Hamish. "That wasn’t simply my pet. That was the…"

The cigar drops from Uncle’s mouth as his face falls.

"You can’t be serious? This ship is actually powered by…"

"That’s correct Uncle, this anvil class war ship is powered by a small wheel run by a single hamster."

"That’s impossible. Every scientist I’ve ever hired said it couldn’t be done."

"And why do you think that is?" retorted Hamish relishing this totally implausible turn of events. "Because I’ve secretly been rounding up every rodent fusion expert in the galaxy and setting them to the task. I’ve even founded a secret institute deep under the Albion Ocean."



"Old Man in the sea, do you copy," asked Purple Velvet.

No matter how many times he plunged into these depths, Velvet never got used to the puce-tinged frothy water and the multi-coloured claymation like sea life. It was like diving the "Sledgehammer" video.

This is the Old Man in sea, who goes there?

"It’s Velvet. I have something that I think you should see."

Velvet son, it has been a long time. Come in, come in. Initiating air lock sequence on my mark in T-minus 10, 9...

The countdown continued. Velvet calibrated the Austin’s docking sequence to the parameter’s Old beamed him. He then flipped open the glove compartment and pulled out a rather lethal looking side arm. He looked back at the sleeping Martians.

"Don’t judge," he said to no one in particular, "never can be too careful. This day’s been full of surprise twists and turns."



Margo moved out of the disco as quickly as her third trimester pregnant body would allow. She clutched the hamster against her ample bosom with one hand and rubbed her back with the other.

Outside in the hall she encountered the horrible lost and hung over Abe and Shari.

"Oh my god." she shrieked.

"It’s good to see you too, but enough shouting." whined Abe, "We’ve got thundering hang overs."

"Oh my god, my water just broke."



Purple Velvet gently wrapped the small Martian creatures in a blanket and lifted them out of the backseat. They continued to sleep.

"Bless," he lamented. "They have no idea what trouble they’ve caused."

"I wouldn’t worry about them too much," remarked Old Man as he materialized in the damp vestibule outside the airlock. "Much has changed since we last met. The Martian situation is no longer the solution we sought. Come, climb in."

A cherry picker basket rose up from the floor under Old Man. Velvet stepped in and lay the Martians on some pillows. The basket rose into the air and a metal filament shot towards them from the black depths of the corridor. Suddenly they were hurtled at break neck speed into a massive factory space. Yet Velvet felt none of the G-forces one would expect from travelling at such speed. There was nothing more than a pleasant summer breeze in his luxurious black hair.

"New?" he remarked.

"We just had it installed. The inertia dampers are state of the art." replied the Old Man.

"Nice. I like the breeze."

"That’s a little custom work I did. Along with the neon running lights and lower kit."
"Old school."

"So let me put your mind at rest. I know why you came, but the Martians are in no danger. We’ve made a major breakthrough."

"Really, do tell"

The basket closed in on a pulsating sphere that was over 30 meters in diameter.

"Diacon sphere?" asked Purple Velvet.

"Far more advanced than that. This is the key to inter-dimensional travel."

"I thought it wasn’t possible"

The basked stopped at arm's length to the sphere that was a seething mass of hundreds of mongoose climbing and scurrying over each other.

(Aron out... 07/25/05)

(Kerry)

"Mongoose?" exclaimed Velvet with surprise, eyebrows raised.

"Indeed," replied Old Man with a wink and smile. "They do appear to be Mongoose, in fact that is the idea my...son. If I may, it DOES feel good to say that out loud for a change... But yes, the sphere. The principle is quite simple really, the animals are merely an illusion meant to hide the true nature of the power of this sphere, the power that will release your little friends here from danger from the outside forces."

Velvet glances down at his small charges. It appeared that the little Martian men were perhaps beginning to awaken. Old Man was about to speak again, but was interrupted by the sound of an other cherry picker whizzing t’wards them across the vastness of the space.

"Steve?" said Old Man to the newcomer. "Has something happened on the surface?"

Steve was a smallish man with a round tum’ and twinkle in his eye. He was positively shivering with glee as he tried to compose himself,

"You wouldn’t believe it Master!" he began with feeling! He hopped from one foot to the other with excitement. "the girl we’ve been monitoring is about to release the prophet!"

******

Margo, Abe and Shari stared dumbly at the puddle of water that suddenly appeared at Margo’s feet. The hamster took his moment and leapt from Margo’s hands and scurried away, but no one noticed.

"It looks like you might need some help."

The three friends were now frozen with fear. Slowly the raised their eyes and found themselves face to face with Ewan.

*****

Uncle and Hamish stared at each other from across the room, leather chairs squeaking under their bottom’s and cigar’s burning low in their hands. It seemed that neither had the upper hand. Fluffy the hamster was now missing. Uncle had lost his trump card, and Hamish had lost his means to world domination by way of hamster powered ...power.

They sat and stared.

Actually, this situation might not be so bad for me, thought Uncle to himself. With that hamster missing, my brother has no way of harnessing its rodent-ish power for his machine! Sure, he could find the little bugger, but what are the chances really? This was HIS ship. ...far more likely he will find the hamster... Hmmm... where is that boy Ewan anyway?... He reached inside his jacket and pressed the button on his transmitter.

Hamish was growing anxious. As he stared, he began to notice the colour coming back to Uncle’s face, and was that a slight smile trying to force its way through the creases of age? Where is that boy Ewan? He thought to himself. He reached inside his jacket pressed the button on his transmitter.

******

Ewan reached into the pocket of his cords and pulled out two transmitting devices. Both were blinking and beeping like R2D2 on acid. Smiling to himself he dropped them both to the ground and ground them into the parquet with his heel. He looked up at Shari Margo and Abe and smiled.

(Kerry out...08/15/05)

- posted by SuperFanBoy#1 @ 2:47 AM 5 comments

 
...Here we go! continues...
(Aron)

[Click here to read the previous installments]

The armrest beside Velvet popped open and the shark like projectile buzzed into the air above the passengers’ seat. Velvet flipped on the autopilot.

"Hello Uncle. Impeccable timing," said Velvet. "Everything alright."
The nose of the shark like projectile withdrew in an iris-like manner. A small crystal began to glow with a chartreuse light and a holographic Uncle flickered into being.

"I don’t know why Hamish insists on using Shark-class knife missiles in this day and age. The A.I. is absolutely primitive. So easy to hack."

"I think he’s trying to be old school. It’s very fashionable these days. They were quite popular with the Hellion Angelus back in the early 70’s. You know how retro he can be."

"Still, they do look cool I suppose and all the better for us. So I trust you have them."

"All present and accounted for. I’m a little worried that we’re too late, though"

"Why’s that?"

"Well, I’ve incapacitated them, but they’d already formed a committee."

"Its focus?"

"I recorded the meeting as I approached. Take a listen
Velvet turns on the stereo and tunes the dial to 102.1 FM.

"By all means. First order of business. The apparent rapid approach of the unidentified flying object towards the inaugural meeting of the Committee to Investigate the nature and purpose of the rapid approach of the unidentified flying object towards the committee to and so forth and not withstanding etcetera, etcetera."

"And when I’d arrived they’d added the ‘nature of shit’ to other business."

"Not to worry V, this is quite common. In fact, I think you’ve quite nipped it in the bud. Excellent work. Followed protocol to the letter. No jump to Saturn 5. We’ve got control of the Anvil Class now. Rendezvous at 06:00 hours."

"Better make that 07:00, I’ve got to refuel."

"Don’t bother, the Shark-Class has a Dri-tritium ion core. Reroute it to your ion drive and it will take you all the way. See you soon."

Velvet did as instructed and initiated the jump.




- posted by Sparkly Effervescence @ 9:29 AM 0 comments

 
Before the Begining...continues
(Aron)

[Click here to read the previous installments]

"He doesn’t even know his father is still alive," said Aunt Jin.

"It is surprising that he has not learned, he has been in that bastard’s company long enough."
Lo leaned ever closer to the door as if coaxing their very words into his ever-expanding awareness of the world.

"I will not have you speak such language in my presence. That bastard is still my brother."
He became so engrossed in the conversation beyond the door that he forgot about his weakened condition and his knees buckled. He tumbled against the door and out into the room.

"My little curious cat, I knew that bed would not hold you for long," said Aunt Jin as she helped Lo to his feat.

"You may leave us now, Master At Arms," Jin said to the burly soldier standing before them. "It is time that Lo learned the truth."
The Master At Arms clamped his heals together and bowed his head in a swift precise movement before turning and leaving.

"Lo, forces are moving against us. There isn’t much time. Come to me my child. I have difficult truths to tell you," said Jin as she drew Lo into her arms.

"Aunt Jin, you said something about my father… Your brother…"

"Well I am your Aunt. This will all become clear," she continued as they both settled into a comfortable chair. "But first I will tell you a story."
Jin smoothed Lo’s hair as he rested his head on her breast. Lo thought back to those many times when Aunt Jin had comforted him after the taunts and jeers of upperclassmen had reduced him to tears. Growing up with out a father was hard enough and in their prefecture it was unbearable.

"Long ago, years before the wars, in a far away prefecture there was a young Lord, handsome beyond compare. He was so handsome that every maiden in the land vied for his affections. Sadly, he was honour bound to wed the daughter of a rich businessman from the neighbouring town. His parents had arranged the marriage at the time of his birth as they had done with his older sister several years before. It was the custom. Much to his parent’s dismay, the boy grew headstrong and rebellious. He was a great master of horses and would disappear for weeks at a time on his favourite stead. The horse was white as the snow peaks of Peku Machu. However, the young Lord would always return. During this time, the businessman grew even more wealthy and powerful. When the magistrate of the prefecture passed on, the businessman was appointed to the seat. When the young Lord returned from one of his disappearances, he was detained by the Prefecture Guards and brought before the new Magistrate. That afternoon, he was scrubbed and suited and brought before the local priest who stood with the Magistrates pinch-faced daughter and married them on the spot. The young Lord’s was given a position in the Magistrate’s office. His horse was pressed into the Imperial Guard stables and it was killed putting down an uprising of peasants in the southern foothills. The young Lord never got over his friend’s death. In time his spirit was broken and the magistrate soon had many grand children with which he began grooming to maintain his dynasty. The Lord, by no means young anymore, grew into his role and became the Magistrates most aggressive lieutenant. He had forgotten or erased the memories of his freedom."

"Aunt Jin, this fable is not like the other stories you have told me. It is so sad."

"Lo, don’t interrupt," chastised Aunt Jin. "So it came to pass that a young maiden came to the prefecture with two small children. She claimed that they were the children of the young Lord. This caused great outrage and she was locked in a high tower. The children were whisked away to the university where the learned men and women conceived of and conducted every test possible to determine their parentage. They spent a year on this and found nothing conclusive. However, they noticed a strange thing phenomenon happening. The young boy was growing at a rate expected for a boy of his healthy constitution, but the young girl did not. She was not sickly or weak. She simply did not age. Word of this escaped the university and the superstitious people of the prefecture were thrown into a panic. Then one night the children disappeared. The Lieutenant rode with the Imperial Guards to the land of the maiden’s family and burned the village down looking for the children. Her relatives attacked the palace trying to free her but she died in the siege. This gave rise to ever increasing confrontations that lasted many years. The Lieutenant began to develop a brilliant military mind and attacked with increasing brutality and might. This was the start of the war, as we know it.

"You have met this Lieutenant Lo, you know him as the Viceroy. You know the children too. You have met the forever-young girl many times. She is out playing out in the field as we speak. She is your sister. You are the enchanted children of the Viceroy and you are the only one who can end the war."
(Aron out...02/28/05)

(Kerry)

Lo was speechless.

He felt his legs about to give out again. He slowly lowered himself to the floor, where he sat with his back against the wall. His mind reeled. Nuala... my sister! The Viceroy... father...?


"...my father..." whispered Lo under his breath. Tears flowed freely down his face, his body shaking ever so slightly with silent sobs as he thought of the life he never knew. The life he thought he knew. Lies... It was all a lie! His entire life was all a lie! Everyone he had ever known and loved... Anger began to replace the confusion and sorrow. At this very moment, the only thing that Lo was completely certain of was that he was certain of nothing.


"Aunt, how is any of this possible! Surely I would have some memory of a sister and my mother!" Lo’s last words were spit out like daggers. Jin was sat perfectly still and took in Lo’s anger as a penance. This seemed to infuriate him even more. He was losing control of himself, he only wanted to hurt,


"You are a liar!" He screamed at her with mighty fury! He turned and bolted for the door and ran outside.


Jin remained seated, perfectly still, her head lowered and a single silent tear rolled down her face. A door on the opposite side of the room opened softly and the Master at Arms walked over to her. He put his hand on her shoulder. He could feel her pain as strongly as he felt his love for her.


"Shall I go after the boy?"


Jin shook her head.


"No, Amos. He will not go far."

She took Amos’ large callused hand into her own. She could feel his fingers tremble at her touch. The comfort this provided her was bitter sweet. Ah Amos, she thought to herself, if only it could be.


- posted by Sparkly Effervescence @ 5:15 PM 0 comments

 
MINI
Eric and Dave looked at their reflections in the mirror in surprise. "Dude," said Eric, quietly hysterical, "I think you cut off too much." Dave squinted his eyes and leaned a little closer to inspect his handy work.

"What do you mean?" he asked an increasingly pale Eric. "You said you wanted a Shatner. It's not my fault you don't have much nose to work with.

"Are you kidding me?" Eric was incensed. "before you got a hold of that razor, I had the sweetest nose this side of the 100th meridian! Next time I'm going to a professional.

Dave looked at the certificate from the Barbazon School of Rhinoplastythati hung above the mirror and felt shame. "It's early days, I'm sure once the swelling goes down it will be perfectly fine.

Eric felt a little bad for reacting so hastily. Dave looked so sad standing their staring at his little certificate. He really is a good guy, thought Eric, he tries so hard at things. Oh well, next time I won't be a fugitive from justice.

"Why'd you want a nose job in the first place?" asked Dave. "I kinda liked your old nose."
"Let's just say say that it wasn't to spite my face, but someone else's."

"You don't mean, Shatner!" exclaimed Dave. "The one and only!" replied Eric with feeling. "That guy has been on my ass all week!" It was true. For the past 6 days ol Bill had been calling and texting continuously.

Meanwhile, across town Bill Shatner frantically tore through Dave's apartment. "It's got to be here somewhere. Blasted Alterian Hinterbeast Bollocks! If I don't find I'm finished. How could I have lost something so important to my image!"

It didn't take Shatner long to tire himself out. Gasping and wheezing, he collapsed onto Dave's orange and brown Chesterfield sofa. "What's this!" Bill reached under the sofa cushion and pulled out a bingo dabber.

"Blast, this will never do. " he said as he absently tossed it over his shoulder leaving a red dot on the wall behind him. "I've got to find that prosthetic arm or my career is finished. Nimoy will never forgive me for missing Uhura's surprise party!

Bill tore through the apartment for a few more minutes, "Blast it! I've got to get out of here! But first I'd better check in with Eric." He pulled out his mobile and began texting when the little device grew white hot in his hand.

"ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed as he dropped it and put his hand a conveniently located ice bucket. When he removed his hand it bore the imprint of his cell phone with the message "CALL YOUR MOTHER!" emblazened across his quickly blistering palm.

"Dammit!" he exclaimed, fist shaking t'wards the sky, "how did that old bat find me this time!" He allowed himself to sink further into the couch cushions, his flaming hand soaking in the bucket of ice water at his side. "Eric..." he muttered to himself, "he's to blame!"
- posted by Sparkly Effervescence @ 4:11 PM 1 comments

 
Before the Begining
(Aron)

In the time before the wars, when he was a small boy, Lo made a fantastic discovery. Deep in the ancient forest there was a great-wizened old oak tree. Lo found it while searching for hemlock for a poultice for Aunt Jin. Lo was inexplicably drawn to the tree. It bore no moss like the others. On the eastern side there was a great knothole near the base of the tree just above its great roots. As Lo drew closer he could see that the knot was completely open and looked big enough for him to enter. Lo could not resist secret places. He dropped his basket and entered the tree.

He crawled through complete blackness, feeling his way along, for a several minutes. The confined space smelled of earth. It was not an unpleasant smell. It was moist and ripe with life. Lo felt he had travelled quite a distance before he noticed a change in the air. He felt a faint freshness he had never encountered before. He could see a speck of light, which quickly grew into an opening.

Upon reaching the light he gasped in wonder at what he saw. A new world opened up before Lo's eyes. Poking his head out of the opening he saw that he was on a great rock face with handholds carved into it that lead down to a rolling green pasture. He looked up the face but could not see the top. Far over the rolling hills a light source, as great as the sun, illuminated the land with a warm and gentle light. The hillside was spotted with trees that bore strange fruit and shrubs with leaves of a colour he found hard to describe. One glance saw aquamarine while another saw blood red. He would have to get closer to examine them.

He slowly crawled down the face of the rock. Whoever had carved these handholds was close in size to Lo for he had little trouble reaching them. Lo was small for his age and suffered great torment at the hands of his upperclassmen as a result.

When he reached the ground he saw that there was a tree close at hand. The fruit looked like pomegranates, but their rinds were rainbow-coloured. He broke one open and saw seeds inside were also multi-coloured.

"That one is very ripe."

The voice startled Lo. It belonged to a girl who looked to be about his age. She had the palest green eyes he had ever seen. They seemed to be almost with colour but then would shimmer with light. He was transfixed.

"Try it," she continued. "But never eat more than one."

"Why?" he asked.

"They are very rich," she replied. "Too much is never good. Come let us play."

She ran towards the hill and he followed. She showed him many wondrous things that day. They played strange new games until the light grew dim.

"You must go now," she said.

"I will come back tomorrow," replied Lo.

"You will return, but it will not be tomorrow," she whispered.

"Of course I'll return tomorrow," he said as he began his climb.

Aunt Jin was very cross with Lo when he returned. He had completely forgotten the hemlock and lost her best basket as well.

"I am sorry Aunt Jin. I will return tomorrow and gather twice as much hemlock." he promised.


- posted by SuperFanBoy#1 @ 9:49 AM 0 comments

 
...here we go!
(kerry ...)

Muttering to herself as she walked down Yonge Street, she contemplated the many ways to revenge herself upon the King of Shitdom, also known as her boss.
"dickhead!"
It was unseasonably mild for January in Toronto, but the rain was beginning to leave a chill in the air as the night began to creep out of the alleyways and spurt upwards from the sewers. She was on her way to celebrate the new year with her first - of what was no doubt to be many - visits to the friendly neighbourhood Money Mart to procure yet an other cash advance on what is likely to be a non-existent paycheque.
Trying to keep warm under her many layers of knit-wear, she envisioned herself working somewhere sunny and warm, surrounded by happy smiling people, employed by a boss who was handsome and kind.

(kerry out...Jan.3/05)

(aron)

Ah, it’s good to be such a magnanimous boss of such a happy and smiling workforce, thought the Boss as he leaned back in his executive leather chair, kicked his feet up on the desk and sipped a rather expensive but not ostentatious single malt scotch. They work so hard for me that I think I am going to give them all a raise. We can’t have them going to some cutthroat loan shark operation just at this time of year. No, no that will never do. I could hardly be the most magnanimous boss on Bay St. if I let my sweet workforce go with out. I mean what good is it to be boss if I can’t be magnanimous. If the Boss was rigourously honest with himself and he routinely was, he was swelling with pride since being moved into the corner office that overlooked the city. His star was on the rise no doubt about it. He put it all down to hard work and magnanimity.

He was just about to fill out a T-N-A 6699 General Staff Salary Increase form when he looked down at his P-E-N-I-S. He’d completely forgot about the Profit Elimination Necessitation Interim Strategy he’d had on his desk all day. It was his top priority. Would the staff would understand, thought the Boss not understanding the difference between thinking of giving the staff a raise and then taking it away and actually giving the staff a raise and then taking it away. The Boss often confused the thoughts in his head with the reality of his actions. Of course they would, he’d written the company policy that stated all staff understood that the Boss’ P-E-N-I-S was top priority this quarter.

"Miss Jennings..." said the Boss as he depressed the intercom button.

"Yes boss." chirped the impossibly happy Miss Jennings. She was a damn fine administrator thought the Boss. I’d double her increase if I didn’t think it wouldn’t be rather unfair to the rest of my delightful workforce.

"Could you be a dear and get me TPA-2600 form please."

"Begging your pardon Mr..." replied Miss Jennings

"But of course. That was last quarter. That is what you were going to tell me wasn’t it. Why I believe we have a symbiotic relationship Miss Jennings."

"Yes, rather. I believe you want a 8008135 A-S-S form." She replied.

"Ah, how well you know me Miss Jennings." he said realizing that she was, of course completely correct again.

On the other side of the oak door, Miss Jennings gave the Boss the finger. A 8008135 A-S-S meant she’d be staying late once again. She was supposed to be shopping for wool to make a new sweater for her close and personal friend Shari who at this moment was walking down some cold and drizzly street in shabby layers of woolen outerwear that were in desperate need of replacement. Surely the wool store would be closed by the time she processed an 8008135 A-S-S.

(Aron out...01/06/05)

(Kerry...)

- ...so then he says that the new pay increase schedule indicates that I have to pay higher BONUS dues....

- ..never heard of that!

- Nobody has! He says that our ‘...contract indicates that the benefits of working for such a magnanimous company says that we should consider the dues along the same lines as a luxury tax'...or some crap like that. I’d LOVE to know where my benefits are then! Either way, no matter how you slice it, I technically get paid more now, but actually end up with less money at the end of the day.

- Why don’t you quit that job anyway? You don’t belong in a place like that.

- I know I know... but I need the money - if only to catch up on my cash advances! At this point I’m getting them from three different places! Besides, the choice may be taken right out of my hands...

- How come?

- ...ugh! I don’t even want to think about it right now - I’ll tell you about it later. Let’s change the subject. What do you think of this scarf that Margo made for me?

- ...scarf? Uh... its...um... nice?...

- Yeah, I know... I think its actually supposed to be a leg warmer - she made 2 of these things. I don’t know what she was thinking, nobody has legs this long! ... sweet of her to make the effort though. Speaking of effort, did you ever find out about that opening?

- Oh yeah! So its happening this coming Saturday. This thing is going to seriously kick ass! All you need to know is that the dress code is in effect, and its BYOB - the thinking is that if everyone brings their own booze then it will feel more like a house party, and everyone loves a house party.

- How do they expect to make any money then?

- The gimmick is that everything inside is for sale - glassware, chairs, artwork, toilet paper too probably! Mad mark-up though. This place won’t last more then 6 months - guaranteed! The opening will be a blast though, so we’d better make the best of it.

(Kerry out...Jan.6/05)

(Aron)

He was awoken by the not unpleasant sensation of cool tile being pressed against his cheek.

He opened his eyes.

He was, in fact, lying on a cool tile floor.

He’d just awoken on the cool tile floor of his executive washroom to which only he had a key. There was an empty bottle of scotch in his hand.

If I’ve learned nothing from the history of filling out 8008135 A-S-S forms and scotch, and I believe that I haven’t, it is that the two don’t mix. These were the thoughts the Boss thought to himself as he pulled himself off the cool tile floor of his exclusive and exceptionally modern in that chrome, black veneer and leather executive washroom.

Why do I do this to myself?

He took a look at himself in the mirror. It was not good. He looked away.

"Miss Jennings..." he said as he depressed the intercom.

There was no replied.

He repeated himself but there was still no reply. He looked at his watch. It was so late that it
was early, or it was so early that it was late.

"Well that’s not a good sign," he said.

"No its not," replied his reflection. "You’re talking to yourself, again."

"No I’m not." he stated.

"Oh yes you are," responded his reflection. "You know what this means."

"I know."

"It’s time to go back."

"Do I have to?"

"You know that you do," said the reflection, "but you won’t be alone. I’ll be with you every step of the way."

"Thanks, that means a lot.

Exactly two hours later, the Boss stepped out of his Jaguar XJS and walked up the overly long front walk of a baronial country manor house. Before he had a chance to knock. A fist-sized portal opened revealing a black hole in middle of the massive oak door.

"The ship sets sail for the far Albion shores."

"No Cousin, I’ll to Dalston."

The portal closed. The Boss stood for an awkward moment in the encroaching cold night.
The door opened and the Boss entered. He stood in a small pool of white light. The remaining room was cloaked in impenetrable darkness.

"It’s happen again." he said.

"We know..."

The pool of light was eclipsed.

Meanwhile somewhere downtown, Margo, as she preferred to be called when she was a way from the office, was waiting for two friends who she chose not to name at this moment. They were to accompany her to an art opening.

She had purchased all of the spirits they intended to consume that evening and hand no money left to escape the cold by procuring a cup of hot coffee in the rather pricey specialty cafe on the corner. She realized that the WANC had left her short. This month’s Wage Adjusted Nominal Claw-back had been a little more dear than she’d expected. Perhaps the merger between Consolidated Congeniality and Magnanimous Manufacturing was not the economic panacea that the pundits predicted.

Where were her two unnamed friends? She didn’t even have a dime for a sheet of Art Opening tissue to blow her nose.

She couldn’t even return some of the spirits because a man, who she thought was a product consultant at the liquor store, had asked to see her receipt and absconded with it. This night was not off to an auspicious start. She wondered if her friends who shall remain namelss enjoyed the python cozies she had knit for them. Indeed...

(Aron out...01/07/05)

(Kerry...)

- Shari, do you even have any idea where you told Margo to meet us?!?!

Shari and Abraham sped up the stairs of Wellesley station. They had been held up by Shari’s roommate Gwen who wouldn’t let them leave the apartment until she had finished her story about how cute her cat looked when it got itself tangled up in the Christmas tree. They had heard this story about half a dozen times in the last few weeks since the holidays ended, but once that woman got started talking... They were running late meeting Margo for the gallery opening and Abe had the tickets.

- Shit! ...ok ok.... I can’t remember if I told her to meet us at the liquor store or Osgoode subway station... the Liquor store! NO... the subway!...NO... liquor...definitely the liquor store!

- DAMMIT SHARI! Which liquor store?? Terrified by the prospect of being at the complete opposite end of the city from where they were supposed to be, Abraham looked as though he was about to have a litter of kittens... really LARGE kittens. Jungle kittens...

- Calm down Abraham, we’re only 15 minutes late, we’re almost there.... oops, 25 minutes late. Lets run!

Five minutes later - out of breath and sweating - Shari and Abraham bolted across the street to where Margo was standing in front of the liquor store. Margo looked like she had turned into some kind of popcycle fairy, but was inexplicably happy to see them.

- Hey guys! I was starting to think you had been kidnapped.

- We’re so sorry Marg! Shari forgot where she said we were going to meet you!

Margo laughs,

- No surprises there! ...oh stop pouting Shari. Let’s get outta here, that weird dude across the street has been getting a little too familiar with the LCBO lable on these bags... speaking of which, you guys owe me $40 for your share of these lovely libations!

* * * * *

The Boss was blinded by the sudden darkness inside the foyer of the house. Although he had to admit to feeling somewhat grateful for it as the glare of the initial white light had been shooting screaming daggers into his still slightly scotch sodden brain.
After a few moments of silence however, his nerves began to tingle ever so slightly. He could hear nothing but the sounds of the old house settling all around him. He tried to distract himself with the knowledge that he had been to this house before. This was, after all, a family house, right? The family business was his responsibility now. Wasn’t it? "I could certainly use a coffee right now..." he tentatively spoke to the darkness. There was no response. No noise at all for that matter. The very house itself seemed to have decided to listen to him instead of making its own noises for the moment. The boss sighed, no one makes a hot cuppa’ joe like that delightful Miss Jenkins, he thought to himself.

Suddenly there was a loud bang from the opposite end of the room, and the foyer was bathed in a wash of the delicate first light of dawn. It seemed that a blind on a window had decided to free itself from its harness. The Boss was greeted by the site of a man sitting in a chair mere steps away. Evidently he had been sitting there the whole time. He spoke:

"Welcome home cousin."

The man’s voice sounded as though it belonged in a Vincent Price movie, a fact which was at extreme odds with his appearance. He looked like he had just stepped out of some swank nightclub for a smoke. He was tall and lean in black leather pants and a fitted purple velvet blazer. He looked rather like Jarvis Cocker on a good day.

"Thank you cousin... um...is... uh..." Sputtered the Boss. He seemed to have misplaced his suavé for the moment.

"...yes cousin, Uncle is here," interrupted the club-type guy, "He’s been waiting to speak with you. He’s been waiting for some time actually..." He lit a cigarette.

"Why yes yes, of course. I’ve been planning to...." The boss scrambled to regain his composure.

"...don’t worry about explaining anything to me cousin, I’m not the one you need to convince..."

"Oh yes yes, of course... *ahem*"

(Kerry out...Jan.7/05)

(Aron)

There was life on Mars. Purple Velvet knew this and it made him infinitely sad. While he may not have had the words to articulate it, it was as if he were grieving for a lost childhood he'd never had. It was ponderous, like the undulating bass line of a Joy Division song.

Suddenly his mind sprang forth. His consciousness spiralled away like a crane shot in a film were the camera pulls away from a character staring into the heavens picking up speed as the perspective, freed from the stranglehold of gravity, launched backwards into space. The character shrank as the front lawn grew into a suburban street giving way to a suburban block that is lost a maze of city streets which in turn is absorbed by the network of cites and states. The view expanded at the speed of light, as the country became continent. Then the planet is visible as it shrinks to the size of a marble. Just another speck of light in the heavens. Cosmic debris rockets past: Plants, meteors, rings, Satellites of love. Purple Velvet's mind became the cosmos. All was clear. He knew what he must be done.

"You will have to excuse me," said Purple Velvet. "There are other matters that I must attend to."

"But what of Uncle, cousin?" asked the Boss.

"He will see you in time," replied Purple Velvet. "You will just have to be patient."

"Of course."

Purple Velvet rose from his chair and headed towards the door. The Boss shuffled towards the empty chair.

"Please remain standing." ordered Purple Velvet.

"Of course."

Purple Velvet left the room confident that the Boss would remain standing until Uncle called for him. He would stand forever if need be. Uncle had invested Purple Velvet with a certain authority. Liberties were not taken. He enjoyed this.

In the garage, the Austin Martin DB7 was idling. Everything was as it should be. Purple Velvet slide into the seat as if it were the cockpit of a star ship. He engaged the gear and depressed the accelerator. The garage door raised silently to reveal a perpetually reassuring midnight. The car left the garage.

Out on the open road Purple Velvet's mind settled into the task at hand. Life on Mars. This presented a significant problem. He was sure that the same mistakes would be made. How could they not? It was inherent in human nature. Nothing was ever learned. Or rather, much was learned but little ever seemed to be retained. Yet it presented much opportunity. New Markets. New Ideologies. This would require delicate planning and decisive action. His mind settled to a course of action as the car left the road and rose silently into the stratosphere.
Seconds before he entered the space fold gateway his resolve was firm. He would consult Oracle. Nothing could be undertaken with out consulting the ornery son of a bitch. In all likelihood the old man would confirm Purple Velvet's course of action. If not, it would present a wrinkle. However, Purple Velvet was certain that application of the right amount of pressure could smooth this out. If acupuncture had taught him anything it had taught him this much.

"Computer, set co-ordinates for Saturn 5."

"Clarification: those co-ordinates take us into the heart of the demilitarized zone. Voice Confirmation Protocol L M F1-11 required."

"This is Major Tom to ground control." replied Purple Velvet.

"Ground Control to Major Tom, Take your protein pills and put your helmet on."

"I'm stepping through the door and I'm floating in the most peculiar way."

"VCP L-M F1-11 received. Processing."

There was only silence as the DB7 floated on the edge of the space fold gateway.

"VCP L-M F1-11 accepted. Proceed through gateway on mark Victor 1 Niner to Saturn 5."

Purple Velvet hated space fold trips but they could not be avoided. He engaged the primary thrust coupling and inched towards the gateway, which hummed to life as the array glowed menacingly to life. It had been some weeks since his last jump. He never failed to wonder how he could hear the hum of the gate when there was no atmosphere in space to transmit the sound.

The DB7's nose made contact with the gate. The seductive line of the hood was stretched to infinity as it was drawn into trans-dimensional-hyper-sub-space. The car was pulled like taffy into the gate.
Suddenly a flash of liquid light. Something was not right. The world turned chartreuse.

"Computer, initiate emergency reverse protocol delta 13-13 STAT." cried Purple Velvet but it was too late as time and space ran out.

******

"What do you mean you don't have the tickets?" demanded Margo.

"I, they were just here. I mean..." replied Abe.

"Why is that man walking towards us." asked Shari.

"Who is Mrs. Jenkins?" asked the Man.

"My names Jennings, not Jenkins?" stated Margo.

"It is of no consequence now," he replied.

There was a chartreuse flash in the sky.

"Is that chartreuse?" asked Margo. "Such a lovely colour I should really...

The world froze in silence.

(Aron out...01/08/05)

(Kerry...)

Shari, Abe and Margo were completely unable to move. All around them the city was still. Cars and people were motionless - stopped in the act of walking, speaking, motoring... Some poor folks had even fallen over in mid-step, unable to maintain their balance in their frozen state.

They were still able to see, but their eyes were frozen in their positions. Through their peripheral vision they could only somewhat see the strange man slowly circling them. He looked as though he may be in his 30's, with straight sandy coloured hair, wearing jeans, a brown corduroy jacket, and a very long red scarf. He smelled like Old Spice and marijuana. He appeared to be glancing back and forth from each of them to a device he held in his hands and seemed to be pointing it at each of them in turn. It looked like some sort of fancy chartreuse coloured cell phone and was emitting a strange fluctuating humming sound every time it was pointed at one of them. The man was quietly talking to himself as he circled their static bodies,

"...everything seems to be as it should... hmm... something funny about this one... ah, appears to be the male of the species... interesting... health is good though... mild chest cold in this one... no matter, we can fix that..."

He went on in this vein for quite some time, and he seemed to pay special attention to Margo,

"...ah, this is the one... yes yes..."

Finally it seemed as though he had finished his examination. He pressed a button on the device spoke into it... a cell phone after all perhaps?

"All clear. ...yes, you were correct about the girl. ‘till Albion then."

The man pressed an other button on the device and once again pointed it at Shari, Abe, and Margo each in turn. As the power of movement gradually returned to them, they collapsed to the wet concrete. Still too stunned and scared to talk. The man began to speak,

"Please, don’t be afraid. I know this all must seem somewhat unusual. I have released you from stasis in order to allow time for you to recover your senses. In just a few moments you will be going on a journey..."

"...AARGH AHDPTH BAH!" explained Margo.

"My dear, please. You mustn’t strain yourself. You still need a few moments to recover. There isn’t anything to be afraid of. This will all be very painless, and I dare say you may ..."

The man was interrupted by a loud ‘WOP’ sound from above. Out of nowhere appeared an object the size of a 20 story building in the shape of a 12 hole Doctor Martin hovering in the sky above them - it just barely cleared the Scotia bank tower. The man appeared to suddenly lose his composure and grew red in the face and looked suddenly very flustered and upset.

"Shit you guys!" Sputtered the man, shaking his fist to the sky. "How come you NEVER let me finish my speeches! This was going to be a really good one too!" He started to angrily pace around the street corner, shooting angry glares and angry fists to the sky, muttering angry obscenities under his angry breath.

Margo, Shari, and Abe stared in amazement at the giant flying boot. Fear was beginning to take a back seat to fascination and curiosity - they were, after all, unharmed. Not to mention that its hard to be very frightened of someone who looks like Ewan McGregor and is constantly tripping over his scarf.

As they stared up above, a chartreuse beam of light suddenly poured out of the boot - engulfing them all.

******

Swirling space.

Purple Velvet could see nothing but the stars and distant galaxies spinning wildly before his eyes. If it were not for the anti-gravity features of his Austin Martin he would surely have added a new element to the colour palate of the interior. After a few moments of desperately trying to regain some kind of control of the vehicle, it became clear that he was not in fact spinning aimlessly out of control at all, rather, some kind of outside force was at work.

Purple Velvet lit a cigarette and waited.

******

The Boss remained rooted to his spot for what seemed like hours. It had, in fact, been several hours, but that is of no consequence. He was beginning to grow weak in the knees, and was desperately in need of something liquid to quell the desperate thirst from his far too recent scotch-fest. Just as he had made up his mind to sit in the chair on the other side of the room, a door appeared before him. It appeared so suddenly, that he bumped his head on it as he took his first tentative step forward.

"Ouch!" he muttered. Then he realized... "Oh" he said. The Boss straightened his tie and flattened his hair and resolutely reached for the doorknob.

(Kerry out...Jan.9/05)

(Aron)

"You know why you were summoned?" said the disembodied voice.

"Of course." replied the Boss.

"We’ve found her."

"The chosen one?"

"Of course, we wouldn’t have summoned you otherwise." replied the voice. "This is serious."

"You don’t have to tell me."

"I’m not sure I care for your tone." stated voice.

"Please accept my humblest apologies," the Boss groveled. "I’ve been filling out the 8008135 A-S-S"

"We know. Why do you think you drank so much scotch." continued the voice. "Nothing happens with out reason."

The Boss remained silent. The lights came on with a flash. It took nearly a minute for his vision to adjust.

"What is up with the lighting in this place?" winced the Boss

"There’s that tone again."

"I am sorry Uncle." replied the Boss

Uncle sat before him in a leather wing back chair in front of a bank of monitors and computer terminals. He had the look of a kindly bearded old man, some jokingly referred to him as Papa Hemingway but never in his presence. Everyone knew he was the Adjudicator. They were in the control room. He had been in this room countless times yet he’d never grown comfortable with it. The room had an aloof quality he couldn’t put his finger on. Perhaps it was the retro-futurism of the computer system. It had an alien quality like a Kubrick inspired Sci Fi film.
The Boss realized with creeping horror just how serious this was. His mind backpedaled. So, the prophecy was coming to pass. There must be Life on Mars. That would explain Velvets abrupt departure.

"I think you will be quite surprised to learn of her identity," said Uncle as he pressed the touch screen of a luminescent remote control device.

All of the monitor screens flickered to life displaying Margo, Abe & Shari frozen on the street corner. The LCBO bag Margo had dropped from fright was suspended inches from the ground.

"Miss Jennings." gasped the Boss.
"I thought her name was Jenkins," said Uncle. "This presents a significant problem."

*******

Meanwhile, in the swirling void of trans-dimensional-hyper-sub-space Purple velvet smoked his last cigarette. The air was blue inside the cockpit of the DB-7. He was outside of time in TDHSS. I really must get Bruno to look at the air filtration system, thought Purple Velvet.

"Velvet, its been too long. You didn’t think I’d forget our little run in at Toshi Station did you." chimed a voice over the inter-space comLink. "You own me more than power converters."

Blast, thought Purple Velvet, I definitely don’t need this. He knew exactly what had happened at the portal. Hamish had finally caught up with him. It was bound to happen.
The DB-7 was swallowed by what can only be described as a giant Anvil hurtling through trans-dimensional-hyper-sub-space. The horn of the Anvil craft opened an in a blink, the DB-7 was gone.

Smoke billowed out of the vehicle as Purple Velvet broke the atmospheric seal in the freshly pressurized landing bay. He stepped out onto the slate floor and was instantly surrounded by riot gear clad stormtroopers. Hamish wasn’t taking any chances this time.

"So Velvet we meet again, but I think you’ll see that this time I have the advantage." announced the lanky man with a ruddy complexion and bright red beard who strode into the landing bay followed by another phalanx of storm troopers.

"If you say so." replied Purple Velvet.

"I understand my brother has located the chosen one." observed Hamish as he signaled the men to seize Purple Velvet. "I think you’ll have to postpone your trip to Saturn 5.

This is getting complicated, thought Purple Velvet.

*******

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ewan MacGregor?" asked Shari as she settled into the luxurious surroundings of the ships living quarters. There wasn’t a right angle in the place. It was all seductive curves and voluptuous bulges creating a womb like atmosphere. She found it strangely inviting.

"Shari!" shouted Margo. "I hardly think this is the time or place.

"Funny you should mention that," replied the man. "But my name is Ewan MacGregor."

"Your not, are you?" asked Abe "I love you."

"Er, no, its a rather strange coincidences." he stammered. "I, er, we share a..."

"Ewan. I trust you have everything in order." Uncle interrupted over the inter-space comLink "You’ll have to hurry up. There have been complications."

"Of course uncle." replied Ewan. "I’m sorry, but I must attend to this. Please make yourself comfortable. You will find this lounge has special qualities in that regard"

An small dot dilated behind Ewan until it was large enough for him to walk through. It closed up instantly behind him. There appeared to be no other way out.

"I suppose this is probably not a great time to tell you my news." whispered Margo.

"OHMYGOD. I totally forgot." gushed Shari.

"I think I’m pregnant..."

(Aron out...01/10/05)

(Kerry...)
"Are you SERIOUS????!?!??!" Shreiked Shari! "Oh my god Margo! I didn’t even know you were trying! ...oh wait... were you trying?"

"Actually, it was the strangest thing. I had never thought about having kids before, but then one day a few months ago out of the blue I thought to myself "I must have a legacy" - which is REALLY weird because I didn’t even really know what the word "legacy" meant and I had to look it up!" Margo sat for a moment with a slight puzzled look on her face.

From the other side of the room where he was busy trying to find any possible doors or windows in this impossibly round and sort of spongily textured room, Abe said,
"You mean to tell us that one day you just decided that you needed to have a legacy and decided to have a baby... just like that?" The puzzled look vanished from Margo’s face just as quickly as it appeared, replaced with an expression of quiet calm, "Just like that." she said.

Shari stared at her with her mouth agape, "So who’s the father???"

"I don’t know actually" replied Margo, the puzzled look returning a bit, "A few nights after I had my revelation I met this guy at Lee’s Palace - he had these super sexy David Bowie eyes - he was English too! Anyway, to make a long story short, he had disappeared before breakfast and I never saw him again. I never even found out his name. The only thing I really know about him is that he said he was an out of work actor and that he expected to be going home any day. I guess he was really into astrology too or something because he looked up at the sky a lot. I don’t know why he bothered though, Its not like you can ever see the stars in the city anyway."

Abe and Shari were understandably surprised by this revelation from their friend. But at the same time, in this day and age its not such a strange thing to be a single parent, and Margo was 30 years old after all.

"Let’s celebrate!" cried Abe. He reached for the LCBO bag at Margo’s feet. The bag was soaking wet and full of broken glass. "Oh no! All of the bottles broke... well, well now! Not all of them I see!". He reached carefully into the bag and pulled out a 26er of Sambuca. "Woohoo! Let’s get drunk and set things on fire!"

******

The Boss and Uncle watched quietly as the portal increased in size. Once it reached size of a largish suitcase, a pair of legs step out, followed by a corduroy clad torso, and topped off with a red scarf and a sandy coloured shock of hair.

"Ewan, I’m glad you could make it so quickly...unlike SOME people I could name." Uncle looked at The Boss from beneath his eyebrows as the Boss twisted his tie between his fingers uncomfortably.

"I got here as quickly as I could Uncle. Why cousin! What a surprise!" Ewan dashed across the room and wrapped the Boss in a mega bear hug. "I missed you SO MUCH Cousin! How does the corporate life?"

Slightly embarrassed by the outpouring of emotion from his cousin, the Boss awkwardly untangled himself from the younger man’s embrace,

"Right as rain, right as rain... uh..."

"Ewan," interrupted Uncle. "Your brother has been kidnapped by that dastardly fiend Hamish. We must rally the workforce and prepare our defense."

"The Mars situation Uncle?" Asked Ewan, a worried look creasing his brow.

"Yes. Hamish know’s too much and he will hold Velvet captive for as long as it takes. I am leaving for Dalston momentarily. As for you, " Uncle looks at the Boss pointedly. "It is for you to go back to the headquarters of MAGcon Manufacturing Consolidated and ensure that all is well with the construction of the Mars 1001. There is no room for error."

Uncle stood carefully with the assistance of his cane. He placed a quivering old hand on Ewan’s shoulder and looked at him lovingly for a moment. "May the force be with you" he said. "And also with you" replied Ewan reverently. Uncle turned his attention to the Boss for a moment, "and You. Don’t screw up!" wagging his finger at the Boss. Uncle then vanished before their eyes.

"Ahem...uh... do you need a ride somewhere cousin?" Inquired the Boss of Ewan.

"No cousin, thank you. I will see you in Dalston before long I dare say." And he too vanished into the waiting portal from whence he came.

The Boss stood in the strange computer room for a moment, not quite sure what to do. After a few moments, he straightened his shoulders and walked out of the control room - through the door.

******

"...and these are examples of the various resources, water, oil, rare and expensive shades of chartreuse... Next slide please!..."

Velvet sat in awe at the spectacular slide show. "Mars..." he thought to himself. Slide by slide, new wonders were being revealed with every image. Once the last slide had been presented, Hamish turned off the slide projector machine and turned to Velvet.

"So as you can see, it is of the utmost importance that the knowledge of these discoveries are handled with the utmost care and delicacy, and of course by the right people. Now, my brother, he has grand ideas, but is he truley capable? The best man for the job? I think not."

"And you think that you're the man for the job then?" asked Velvet. He was seated comfortably in what was evidently Hamish’s personal quarters, smoking the finest Albion tobacco.

"Indeed I am my boy. The time of the prophecy is at hand, and I have consulted the Oracle... you look surprised! Yes nephew, I too am aware of the mysteries of the Oracle and have consulted with her. She has told me many things. The time is at hand. At this very moment we are heading towards Albion to prepare for the next phase."

(Kerry out...Jan.10/04)

(Aron)

What kind of family are we thought the Boss. If Hamish and Ewan are brothers and Uncle is, well, our Uncle then how could Purple Velvet be Ewan’s brother but Hamish’s cousin. Could we be anymore dysfunctional? That was why he always preferred the corporate world to family life. If he was rigourously honest with himself and he always was, he was hopelessly confused. This life on Mars thing was a worry though.
He lowered his bulk into the luxurious leather interior of the XJS. He turned the key in the ignition and fired the beast up. Something strange happened as the GPS nav-system screen flickered to life. A cartoon bomb exploding replaced the usual satellite map.

"So predictable Boss. You guys make it so easy." said Hamish as his face appeared on the nav-system screen.

"Hamish, what have you done with Velvet."

Before the Boss could say another word he vanished in a puff of smoke.

*******

"Um, are you sure you should drink, Margo?" asked Shari.

Margo was shocked by Shari’s uncharacteristic new role as the sober voice of reason.

"What do you mean?" asked Margo. "What else is there to do in this strange womb like room. Hey, that rhymed. I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it."

"Um, Margo you’ll be drinking for two."

"What?"

"YOU’RE PREGNANT, REMEMBER?" shouted Shari.

"Alright, alright, you don’t have to yell." whimpered Margo. "I forgot. I’m having a real hard time getting used to this. I don’t even like David Bowie."

"Hey, I think I found something." said Abe. "C'mere."

They moved over to where Abe was standing.

"Ew, don't put your hand in there."

"That's disgusting."

*******

Meanwhile on Mars life evolved.

"So ah, I guess we're ah, alive then?" asked one sentient life form.

"Yeah, I think that's right." replied the other one.

There was an awkward pause as they surveyed their surroundings. The interior of the Martian cave was pretty drab, even by a first generation life form's standards.

"So, what do you suppose we do next?" asked the first life form.

"I dunno. D'you wanna watch some TV?" asked the second.

"What's TV? And why would you even say that." replied the first.

"I dunno. It just came out of my mouth. I think we've got a lot too learn."

*******

At that exact moment, Uncle appeared on the bridge of Hamish's Anvil Class Destroyer. To say that Hamish was surprised by this turn of events would be the century's biggest understatement.

"I thought I'd be seeing you." smirked Hamish. "So you finally figured it out."

"You are trifling in affairs you know little about, Hamish." warned Uncle. "You don't know who you are."

"I know that Ewan is my brother," Hamish shot back. "And this fellow..."

Hamish flipped a switch on the console. The forward display revealed Purple Velvet in his chamber.

"And that swinging cat is my cousin and Ewan's brother. How does that work. I could see him being my step brother or even half brother but..."

"You have much to learn about the prophecy," said Uncle. "They say that when the student is ready the master will appear."

"I'm ready."

"I know son, I know."

They turned away from the monitor and embraced just as the cabin boy entered Purple Velvet's room with a dinner cart.

*******

"Dinner's served, " said the cabin boy.

He turned his back to raise the lid off the silver chaffing dish. In a flash, Purple Velvet was on him forcing his head down into the tureen of gazpacho until he lost consciousness. He searched the cabin boy for a weapon.

"Damn, why do they never arm the cabin boy." Purple Velvet to no one in particular.

He cautiously ventured out into the hallway. There was no one about. He made his way, unmolested, to the landing bay. It was as if they wanted him to leave. He slipped noiselessly into the DB7.

"Computer, quiet mode" he whispered. "Quadrant scan. Where are we?"

"Eight parsecs from Mars"

"That's less than a Kessel run," he replied. "Take us out. stealth-mode. Lock in on signs of life. There should be at least two life forms in the Northern Hemisphere."

The computer, which had managed to strike up a friendship with the Anvil class destroyer's rather lonely and desperate Model 9, easily convinced the ship to open the landing bay. The DB7 promised to visit, knowing full well that it would not. The car lifted silently off the bay floor and glided out of the bay.

"Life Forms detected."

"Plot a course for their location."

(Aron out...01/11/05)

(Kerry...)

"Abe, get your hand out of that stuff!"

Margo and Shari took a few steps back as Abe slowly removed his hand from the greenish... well, who’s kidding who - it was chartreuse in colour - substance. It had the appearance of smoke filled jello, and had a vaguely mossy odour.

"ugh! Sick!" Said Abe as he wiped his hand on the spongy wall. Other then the slight greenish stain, his hand was otherwise unharmed.

"Ok," Said Shari. "For lack of anything better to do, let’s finally crack open this bottle! Sorry Marg, but I guess none for you for awhile!"

"Fine with me, " Said Margo, "I think I’m just going to check out the features of this room, you kids have fun." She began to walk around the room, running her hands over the walls. Besides the fact that they were round and bulgy, and jutted out in various spots thereby providing surprisingly comfortable seating, the room seemed to be completely baron of any amusements at all - unless you count the tank of green goo, which was indeed midly amusing in its own way to be sure. She found it odd considering Ewan had assured them that they would be delighted with some of the more interesting qualities of the room. ...perhaps finding those qualities was meant to be part of the fun? Glancing over at Shari and Abe, she could see that they had solved the boredom problem quite nicely by deciding to get themselves good and stinking drunk. Abe was kneeling on the floor, while Shari poured Sambuca into his mouth and prepared to light it on fire. Who needs a shotglass anyway! Not Shari and Abe, thats for sure.

Margo began to closely examine the texture of the walls of the room. It sort of looked like cake - she gave it a pinch - it crumbled in her hands, much like cake would if it were pinched. Not wanting to have to deal with the drunken Wonder Twins on the other side fo the room, she discretely crumbled bits and pieces off the wall. After about 5 minutes, she had created a hole large enough for her to see through to the other side.

It was a hallway. Margo grew excited. They weren’t trapped after all! Yet, glancing over her shoulder once again, she needed only a quick look to see that Shari and Abe were in no condition to quietly tip toe around this strange boot shaped space ship, and she was bursting with curiosity about what was happening and didn’t want to get caught!
She made quick work of the wall and created a hole large enough for her to step through. One more look across the room at her friends was enough to assure her that her exit was unnoticed - this time Shari was having the contents of her mouth set on fire... *sigh*.

*******

"So... this TV thing you speak of. Is this something that we should be concerned about?" One of the sentient beings said to the other.

"You know, I’m really not at all sure why I even brought it up, I just had a strong impression that T.V. - as you say - is something of a driving force of the universe...just an impression, mind you."

"What’s a universe?"

"I don’t know, friend. I just don’t know."

The sentient beings looked at each other for awhile, not really sure exactly what to do. They were both approximately 2 feet tall, and glowed with a slightly purplish light that appeared to be shining from beneath their purplish skin. They had football shaped heads that appeared to be a tad too large for their bodies, with huge staring eyes. Their bodies were very slim and they had oddly long fingers and toes that appeared to be perfectly designed for scaling rock faces... and considering their environment was nothing but rock, this worked out quite well for them. Due to the over-sized nature of their heads, neither creature was able to quite stand upright however. The easiest way for them to move about their cave seemed to be scrambling around on all fours. But probably the most striking thing about their appearance - other then the fact that they were nude and had no genitalia whatsoever - was that they were just plain adorable!

"Friend..." began one being,

"Yes friend?" replied the other.

"Do you see that thing in - what I shall call - the sky?"

"You know friend, I believe I do."

"Why, it appears to be coming straight towards us..."

*******

Purple Velvet was quickly approaching the surface of the red planet.

"I have them in my sight"

(Kerry out... Jan 13/04)

(Aron)

"Whatever shall we do about it?" asked the one life form.

"Start a committee to discuss the issues and present some recommendations." replied the other one.

"Fair enough. I nominate you as president."

"I second the nomination."

"All in favour?"

"Aye." said the life forms in unison.

"Motion carried. Congratulations"

"Thank you. As my first official act, I would like to welcome you all to this committee. I am particularly interested in everyone's viewpoint. This is after all, a democracy."

"Jolly good speech," said the other one. "Shall we get down to business?"

"By all means. First order of business. The apparent rapid approach of the unidentified flying object towards the inaugural meeting of the Committee to Investigate the nature and purpose of the rapid approach of the unidentified flying object towards the committee to, and so forth and not withstanding etcetera, etcetera."

At this point, Purple Velvet had landed the DB7 just outside of the cave and was approaching the two peculiar looking life forms.

"Hullo," said the President. "Have you come to join the committee? We were just about to set the agenda. I think we can squeeze you in under other business."

"Shit." said Purple Velvet, realizing that it may already be too late.

"Mr. Secretary, please note under new business that we will be discussing the nature of 'Shit' and how it relates to the unidentified flying object issue."

"Point of order, Mr. President." said the Secretary.

"Yes?"

"The unidentified flying object is no longer flying and I believe it is some sort of vehicle, thereby rendering it quite identifiable."

"Jolly good," cheered the President. "Look at what progress we are making.

Definitely too late, thought Purple Velvet as he pulled out his stun ray and rendered the two life forms incapacitated.

"Computer, deploy the auto-retrieval unit." said Purple Velvet.

Simultaneously, the boot and bonnet of the DB7 opened up and two metallic tentacles protruded from the vehicle. The arms stretched into the tunnel and delicately picked the two life forms up and placed them gingerly in the back seat.

"Computer, hail Uncle."

"Uncle's communicator is not responding."

"That's odd," said Purple Velvet to no one in particular. "He never turns his comm off."

*******

Uncle turned away from the monitor and smirked at Hamish.

"That's my boy. I think this may just work out after all."

(Aron out...01/21/05)

(Kerry)

"Ha! Indeed you're correct brother!" Hamish smiled at Uncle affectionately. "Velvet truely believes that these "Martians" are actually MARTIANS! This could not have worked out better for the corporation."

Hamish and Uncle raised their glasses of scotch and turned to the monitor, which was now viewing the landscape below as their vessel sped over ground.

"We have almost reached Dalston."

*****

Margo walked slowly and quietly down the hallway inside the boot shaped craft. The hallway twisted and turned but so far she had not located any doorways or other passageways. Nor had she encountered any other people.

"Odd," she said to no one in particular. The ship had sort of a sweaty basement-like smell to it, and the walls of the hallway were that same cake-like substance as the room where she had left Abe and Sherri to soak their brains in Sambuca. After about 15 minutes of directionless wandering, she finally reached a doorway. Placing her ear to the shiny surface, she tried to make out any noise at all from the other side. She was rather surprised to hear music and voices and laughter. Margo glanced over her shoulder to make sure she was still alone, and opened the door a crack and peered inside.

******

Once again Velvet was behind the wheel of his Austin Martin spaceship and the universe raced past his wind shield in a blur. Glancing in the rearview mirror at his small charges, he couldn’t help but feel slightly awed. "Life on Mars! Incredible!" Yet, he was worried. Why had Uncle not answered his comm? Something was not right. From the car, Velvet tried to contact the main headquarters at Albion and when he was still unable to reach anyone, he grew even more concerned. Looking through the mirror again at the sleeping martians, he felt something twinge deep inside. Somehow, he felt sorry for these small innocent creatures, and found himself worried about their future - he felt much like how he felt when he thought of that girl he met in the club in Toronto 4 months earlier...

******

"Hey! Where’s...uh...uh... whassername... M-something...uh... Margo!"

*hiccup*

(Kerry out...Jan 22/05)

(Aron)

"Now my plan is all dependent on a single piece of information," Hamish stated as he pulled a 50 year old Glen Zarcon from the liquor cabinet.

"Oh and what's that?" asked Uncle.

"I think you know. In fact, if I were a betting man, I'd bet the farm on it." continued Hamish as he poured out a healthy measure. "Have you tried this one before?"

"I don't believe I have, but I've heard good things. I don't generally hold that whiskys from New Scotland on Ursa Major can actually claim the title of scotch, but then again who are we to talk. To Albion."

"Water?"

"I know, I know... So I'll just taste the scotch and not the alcohol, but I always like that first sip to be unadulterated."

"Very good."

The old man tipped the amber liquid to his lips. Hamish bided his time.

"You see, I know that Purple Velvet is no relationship to any of us."

As if on cue, Uncle sprayed the sip of scotch all over the table of the spartan boardroom.

"Your reaction proves it. Never play poker, Uncle."

The old man knew he had already lost. He pulled silk pocket square from his impeccably tailored suit and daubed at his chin. He tried to regain what little dignity he had left. So you're going for the triple cross, eh Hamish, thought Uncle, well go you beautiful bastard, show me what you've got. Under the normal run of things, Uncle would have had Hamish vapourizes, but this was not the normal run of things. Plus it didn't help that in his haste, Uncle had forgot his comm link back at the house. They make those things so damn small these days. I must have left it in my other pants.

"I know exactly what Purple Velvet is and how he fits into your plans. But he'll never make it.

I've already evacuated Albion. He won't make it to the surface."

"Who could you know all of this."

"You shouldn't imprint your plans on the brainwaves of a simple office girl. You see, I've been following PEEVEE, as I like to call him, for months now. Clever, imprinting his bio-organic-code-interface on a sexy secretary. Very old school. I must admit uncle, that I like way you think, only because it's so easy to figure out."

"But how could you have..."

"Well this did help" said Hamish as he flicked on yet another video screen revealing the Boss on strapped to some hideously biological looking torture chair. "My agents are everywhere."

He flipped the channel to the sunrise over Albion. The DB7 was making its final descent. In the far right corner a nasty piece of work that looked like a cross between an intercontinental ballistic missile and a hammerhead shark streaked towards PEEVEE's car.

"OH MY GOD!!!!" Hamish shouted in in favourite Brandon Lee voice. "I can't believe you would send a R-class synth to do a man's job. You're getting sloppy in your old age Uncle. I have all of the pieces now."

Door slides open with a silkily sibilant sound. Ewan stepped through and the door cheerfully slides back into place.

"Why must you always interrupt. I think that Margo lass, rather fancied me."

"Took you bloody long enough." scowled Hamish.

"Well if you wouldn't reorganized the corridors every other day, maybe I could find my way here. I don't know why you always insist on these retro recombinant jobs." sneered Ewan.

"How are our guests?"

"See for yourself" replied Ewan as still another video screen flashed to life revealing Shari and the Multi-mouthed beast playing Century Club with the remaining booze.

"Is that Sambuca?"

"Where’s Margo?"

"ABORT! ABORT, I REPEAT ABORT THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!!!"

(Aron out...01/25/05)

(Kerry)

Hamish was beside himself with rage.

"How could you have lost the girl you fool!" he hissed at Ewan,

"Me! You must be joking!" replied Ewan in a bored voice. " Where do you suppose she went, for a little stroll along the banks of the river Tay for god’s sake? She’s got to be on the ship somewhere, I’ll just pop around and have a look..."

Ewan turned around and left the room in the same slick fashion as he had entered, smoothing his hair as he sidled out of the room.

"YOU BETTER FIND THAT GIRL!" Yelled Hamish at the closed door, his face as red as his socks, waving his ruddy fist in the air.

Had Uncle not been so concerned with the idea of the missing girl himself, he would have found his brother’s anger incredibly amusing. He decided that playing it cool would be the best way of handling this situation, and there was still the matter of Velvet’s predicament...

"Now brother, you really mustn’t aggravate yourself like this," said Uncle smoothly, as he made tentative sips of his newly poured scotch.

"The girl is the least of your worries. Apparently you’re operatives haven’t been watching closely enough, otherwise they would know better then to try and harm the occupants of that vehicle, he indicated the view screen with a sweeping hand gesture. "You had better hope that the homing mechanism of that missile is offline" And "I" certainly hope otherwise! Thought Uncle to himself, hiding his pleased grin behind his pocket square. Perhaps he hadn’t lost the game just yet. He had allowed himself to forget about the ingenuity of his Albion base leaders. At least forgetting my comm is allowing me the element of surprise - I feel almost young again!

"You’re bluffing!" puffed Hamish. His outburst had left him out of breath and he had collapsed to his stylish smooth leather chair in exhaustion,

"Am I brother? Do you even have the faintest idea where that boy has just been?"

******

"Abe, get OFF me!"

Shari gave Abe a shove and he fell onto the floor.

"Wha’?"

"Listen, we’ve got to find Margo! She’s *hiccup* alone and *hiccup" pregnant and *hiccup* and in a bad mood... she’s on this boot thingy somewhere’s n’ we’ve gotta go SAVE HER!"

Shari scrambled to her feet and was a little surprised to note that she was only staggering slightly. Abe was having a harder time picking himself off the floor, but at least he didn’t look like he was going to be sick.

It didn’t take long for Shari to notice the hole that Margo had dug out of the wall.

"Abe... this way!" Shari and Abe stumbled out into the passageway.

******

Ewan noted the empty Sambuca bottle underneath the table. "Hamish is going to be pissed" he thought to himself.

******

Margo carefully peered through the crack in the doorway. She couldn’t see what was happening inside the room at first, If I didn’t know any better I would say that this is a night club! Her limited view allowed her to see black painted walls and flashes of spray paint and chrome, and the smell of cigarette smoke. She could hear what sounded like a few dozen people talking and laughing, and an other noise that sounded something like feedback from a speaker. She realized that she would have to make a decision. Either risk capture from someone catching her in this passageway, or risk capture by someone from this other room. Figuring that either way she was likely going to be captured - and seeing as she was already trapped on board this weirdo flying doc martin - and seeing as how this new room at least had features other then those of vanilla cake... She opened the door wide enough for her to slide in, hopefully unnoticed - no sense in being entirely incautious - and quickly shut the door behind her... just in time, as it were...

******

Velvet had been concentrating so hard on his two small passengers that he had not noticed the bullet shaped projectile at first. When finally he saw the red blip on his dashboard, he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders.

"Ah, Uncle has not forsaken me."

******

Hamish’s eyes had a wild look to them as they crossed themselves in an effort to stare down his brother and keep his eyes on the view screen at the same time. He was turning even redder then before:

"WHO AUTHORIZED THIS! ABORT I SAY!"

Hamish was busy pounding on his comm console furiously when the gas flap of the Austin Martin opened and the shark shaped missile slipped inside as though it had come home.
Hamish stopped hammering on his console and slowly turned to look at the suddenly giggling-like-a -school-girl Uncle.

"You’re still angry about that pet hamster you had when you were six, aren’t you brother."

(Kerry out... Jan 30/05)

[Click here to read the continuing advetures]

- posted by Sparkly Effervescence @ 9:31 PM 0 comments